My 32 at 32

Random musings, personal philosophies and some obvi observations.

1. My sugar rule insists that hot drinks are ordered half sweet and that only about half the instructed amount get used for most recipes. It’s sugar guys, not garlic. Use less whenever possible.

2. I advise not approaching your wedding day as “the best” or “most important” day of your life. You will simply be underwhelmed. Take the pressure off, aim for fun, and it will be unforgettable no matter what.

3. If being a grandma means a preference for long walks, drinking hot water and sleeping early, then holla at your grandma! I’m in.

4. An interesting shift happened when I entered my 30’s. Instead of worrying about my own aging, I began worrying about my parents’ aging. I wish time would slow down for them.

5. “The cure for anything is salt water. Sweat, tears, or the sea”. I couldn’t agree more.

6. The way you rev up your day can set the tone for the rest of it. So begin your day gently, with good manners and good humour.

7. Contrary to popular belief, not owning a scale is the healthier option.

8. I see flowers as the same as bread, avocados and eggs – a weekly essential, best fresh.

9. The excuses that prevent you from traveling today will haunt you one day when you actually can’t go.

10. Just because you’ve been to Paris, it doesn’t make you a pastry connoisseur, okay?

11. Eating well is not cheating; it is a privilege.

12. I enjoy sending snail mail because I love the idea of my letter standing out as a nice surprise amongst a pile of sucky bills.

13. The best beauty products ever: sleep and water.

14. The heart is simultaneously the strongest and most vulnerable organ in the human body. Handle with care and the utmost respect. It’s easy to forget the respect part.

15. Count small victories every day. Then celebrate often. It might just be the secret to happiness.

16. Secretly, everyone just wants to be with somebody who is gush worthy.

17. Be gush worthy.

18. Three tiny ways technology rule: The “I’m thinking of you” texts. Google maps. FaceTime with the little bro when he is far away.

19. Don’t you ever want to leave the city, just to see the stars? I do.

20. A reminder, your parents are simply just trying to figure their shit out too.

21. Kitchen utensils with a singular purpose are a colossal waste of space. Paring knife > Avocado pitter.

22. While quality over quantity should be applied to most things, it absolutely must be applied to clothing, make-up, and Instagram.

23. My mom told me this day would come, but I am really (really!) missing my metabolism circa early 2000s.

24. Don’t let perfect get in the way of good. This philosophy has helped me be brave enough to do a lot of things that I’m not nearly qualified enough to do, like writing these sorts of lists.

25. Self-awareness, it’s not obvious and it doesn’t come easy, but please keep practicing.

26. Sometimes you just have to sleep it off and believe in the potential of a fresh morning perspective.

27. Apparently “bad choices” aren’t limited to the inexperienced. I’m learning that we never really quite grow out of stupidity.

28. I know you’re my bff when you order hot water for me in public. THANK YOU!

29. I believe in soul mates. And I believe in different kinds of soul mates. And I believe that music soul mates are the best kind.

30. Curating vs. accumulating. Do not confuse the two.

31. Be generous of spirit, but protective of your time.

32. The best is yet to come.

An Interview on Love and Relationships

What is love to you?

Love is the sum of all the little things, that’s why all the little things count. Love is in the way you say ‘Good morning.’ It’s in the way you solve problems, it’s in the way you show affection and support. Love is waking up early to cook breakfast and staying up late to watch each other’s favourite TV shows. It’s planning Sunday grocery lists and surprise weekend trips. Love is making all those tiny, seemingly insignificant choices for the growth and benefit of ‘us.’

You recently cancelled your ‘dream wedding,’ what was the reasoning?

Priorities. You either prioritize your dream wedding or your dream marriage. The plan started out with a simple vision, but it wasn’t long before the wedding snowballed into something of a huge production. While it was difficult to let go of our ‘dream wedding’ due to all the effort and time we poured into the planning process, we’re confident we did the right thing for us. Our new wedding plans are much more reflective of our priority, which is our life together in our dream marriage.

What do you love most about Cyrus?

He makes me feel beautiful, appreciated and taken care of every day. I’m humbled by his consistency. He has taught me that love can be constant, that it doesn’t come and go based on convenience or occasion. A healthy love is steady, in spite of life’s highs and lows.

What makes your relationship work?

Being best friends. Sometimes, approaching your relationship like a friendship can help relieve some of the pressures couples inevitably put on each other. Something I try to do before getting upset at Cyrus is asking myself if I would get upset at my best friend over the exact same situation. The answer is often no.

What’s something you would tell your younger self?

Dare to love with reckless abandon. Knowing heartbreak and knowing how to break someone’s heart will make you respect love much more, and recognize good love much better, as you get older.

How do you know when you’re with the right person?

The right person will make you wonder ‘how’ instead of question ‘why.’ If you often catch yourself asking, ‘Why am I with him?’ he is likely not the right fit for you. When it’s right, you’ll often find yourself wondering, ‘How am I so lucky to be with him?’

What is your advice to men?

A girl’s favourite gift will always be your quality time. Find the balance.

What is your advice to women?

A guy’s favorite gift will be always be quality time with his boys. Find the balance.

My 30 things at 30

1. When you feel like no one understands, find solace in music. It seems there is always at least one song that can fill a part of the void in your heart.

2. Whenever possible, leave your city and explore somewhere new. It makes home that much better to come back to. Or maybe you learn that you’ve outgrown your home, which is good too.

3. Those mornings when you wake up wondering: “Why am i still here, doing the same thing?”… It will eventually propel you to make a change. The less you resist that push, and the faster you act on it, the wiser.

4. I often wonder why people are so scared of being lost, on the road and in life. It’s kind of a cool feeling. Let it surprise you with the unexpected. Don’t be scared unless you feel like you’ll be lost forever. Then it’s time to craft a road map.

5. Hang out with small people regularly. Kids are best at reminding you to slow life down, to speak more clearly, and to notice the details– like shoelaces, crumbs and sticky fingers.

6. If you are ever with someone who makes you wonder “why” instead of “how” you are with them, it means you are with the wrong person.

7. Being with the right person feels effortless because all actions suddenly become motivated by love, rather than obligation.

8. It’s often the case you don’t understand how much your own parents sacrificed and compromised until you become a parent yourself. The earlier you realize this, the earlier you can truly learn to appreciate your parents as an individual and as a unit.

9. The first time you have to give your parents advice is weird. It’s even weirder when they listen. It really sucks when they don’t.

10. Sometimes I look at my best friends and wonder if I would ever get anywhere in life without them. I don’t think I would ever be strong or brave enough to do it alone.

11. Figure out what sort of books intrigue you, then read regularly.

12. Figure out what sort of organization move you, then volunteer regularly.

13. When something dumb, stupid or unfair happens, either do something about it or learn to laugh it off as soon as possible. Alternatively, be proactive about preventing dumb and stupid things from happening.

14. The best gift you can give yourself is to learn to feel comfortable in your own skin. Build up your confidence up slowly and surely — it helps to grow up really dorky.

15. Being cool is relative to being lame. Don’t be so cool that you become lame. Stay cool man, stay cool.

16. Get your own life. Spend some quality and dedicated time developing your own interests and passions. The goal of course is to turn passion into living, which is challenging but worth trying.

17. I borrowed this one, and am trying to actively apply it to my life: “Don’t treat your stomach like a garbage can.”

18. Be gentle with people you meet. You have yet to learn what they are about, or why they are the way they are.

19. Shower those you love with lots of affection, it’s the sweetest thing. Babies thrive off affection. I believe adults do too.

20. Make it a habit to say “thank you” in a way that ensures the other person really understands. Feeling appreciated inspire people to do great things.

21. Seeing the beauty in others, mirror the beauty that exist in yourself.

22. Have a few signature dishes you can cook up in the kitchen. There is nothing more satisfying than feeding your friends and family.

23. Your age and body may grow older, but let your heart and soul remain forever young.

24. It’s impossible to know everything, so seek guidance from the infinite resources made available around you. Start by asking the first question.

25. It’s pretty silly to hold onto grudges, it’s giving someone power to have a negative effect on you for a long time. Lame.

26. I hate when I hear someone say: “You’re laughing too loud.” Those people deserve a firm “fuck you.”

27. Rad. Beautiful. Happy. Be any of those things, and make it infectious.

28. Act the fool. It’s so much fun.

29. The worse thing is not lying to someone else. It’s lying to yourself.

30. Go ahead, live by any philosophy you want. Just live it, now.

Death’s Silver Lining

When you’re left behind by someone you love, their permanent absence rocks the entire foundation on which you built your world on. Yet it is in these fine moments of complete vulnerability, where you really see things clearly. This clarity stems from the type of raw pain that only loss brings about. And it is during this time– when you’re off your rocker, when you’re staggering to stay up, when you’re grasping for things to hold onto– that you realize… really just how fleeting life is. Here one day, gone tomorrow. And it makes you see how trivial some of the shit you are currently engaged in is. Maybe it’s the rat race, or maybe it’s the petty fights… so much stuff just seems so stupid and meaningless in contrast to death. Life should be focused on living well, living healthy, living happy. The beauty in death is that it magnifies those truths so brilliantly; it makes it nearly impossible to ignore. So examine the life you live now, and ask yourself… what would I do differently, if I died tomorrow?