Archive for December, 2009|Monthly archive page


In Uncategorized on December 31, 2009 at 12:35 pm

Lovers, we gonna dance tonight, toast tonight! By the way, Raphael Saadiq live is butter rich and smooth, best show of 2009.


How to Polar Bear Swim

In Uncategorized on December 30, 2009 at 5:16 pm

I’ve been doing it for so long that I forget that the annual Polar Bear swim (dip!) at English Bay is based on a ridiculous concept- to jump into the freezing Pacific on January 1st with all the other crazy people stripped down to their pale winter skin and holiday gut. It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to forfeit a New Year afternoon cozy in bed to do it but how dare you start your year with logic! Don’t be stupid! I sure didn’t give it any thought when I plunged for the first time 13 years ago and now it’s become an anticipated tradition for me and a couple of other beloved veteran polar bears.  It’s the abandonment of sanity that make this tradition so appealing and in an indescribable way; it feels fucking awesome to freeze until I’m fresh to death. I invite you to join me. Swimming skills not required. Entourage welcomed.

Polar Bear Swim

  1. January 1st, show up at English Bay before 2pm
  2. Wear anything you don’t mind getting wet (bikini for me but themed costumes encouraged)
  3. Bring two towels and a change of clothes
  4. Go with at least one friend who isn’t lame
  5. Pick up your official badge of honor after plunge
  6. Bring a couple dollars to buy hot cider
  7. Have a designated driver to take you home (difficult to drive when shivering)

*Bonus: Proven hangover cure- effective and quick

Love to Live to Laugh

In Uncategorized on December 30, 2009 at 2:07 pm

You know when you laugh so hard your entire body gets involved? Like your legs go out of service and your guts are punching your stomach ready to explode? You’re a hysteric wreak, your body is a spastic mess. One minute your spine is curled so low your face is kissing the ground, the next minute your neck is thrown so far back you’re counting stars except your eyes are squeezed so tight you’re literally lost, wasted in the moment. Then you feel your cheeks tingling and you know it means it is time to gulp in some air so you don’t die on the spot. And ya, sometimes you tinkle in your panties but you shouldn’t notice because if you do you’re not even close to experiencing the type of laugh I’m talking about. It’s impossible to laugh harder than this- a laugh stemming from deep within your soul and flushing out through every pore until you can’t feel no more. When you’re done laughing like this, you feel lighter (lightheaded too) but mainly like you’ve shaken a load off your shoulders and detoxified the stress in your system. It is a temporary high with a strong ripple effect. Unfortunately this type of inside out laughing doesn’t happen very often, it is way more elusive than the hearty chuckle. But it makes sense though right? I mean for a laugh so big; it attacks, and a laugh so strong; it endures?! Dude, stars need to align to orchestrate a moment so worthy. And when it does, commit to the moment, go all out. Fall to the ground, be loud, disrupt the human race, who cares! You’re the one relishing in one of life’s greatest joys. Everyone else should be envious. Now, if and when you find someone who provokes this type of laughing, you better recognize it and love them forever. Hang on tight to them and stick a post-it note on your brain to remind yourself to shower them with affection and pray that they will stay near you until your gray hair days. These people are your cherry on top, the fizz in your soda, the sparkle in your shine. These are the people who keep you young at heart and taking them for granted is worse than re-gifting your momma’s handmade scarf. I’m lucky to have a couple of people in my life that make me laugh like this. They’ve seen me slam against walls and roll on the ground, they’ve seen tears spill because it hurts so good to laugh so hard, and they’ve seen me gasping for air unable to speak. Meanwhile they’re laughing just as hard and that’s when I know I’m exactly where I should be in life, caught up in some random unforgettable moment that will ignite stories for years to come. And when the laughing subsides, take a deep breath and go about your day knowing that you just had one of the best moments of your life.

Learning with Arnold

In Uncategorized on December 29, 2009 at 11:58 am

John: You gotta listen to the way people talk. You don’t say “affirmative,” or some shit like that. You say “no problemo.” And if someone comes on to you with an attitude you say “eat me.” And if you want to shine them on it’s “hasta la vista, baby.”

Terminator: Hasta la vista, baby.

John: Yeah but later, dickwad. And if someone gets upset you say, “chill out!” Or you can do combinations.

Terminator: Chill out, dickwad.

John: Great! See, you’re getting it!

Terminator: No problemo.



– Terminator 2: Judgment Day

Christmas Verbatim

In Uncategorized on December 29, 2009 at 11:44 am

4 out of context verbal highlights from the weekend past-

At Sandbar:

“To being happy.”

At Home:

“Of course he’s good looking, he’s my son.”

At Naam:

“Young Jeezy is the only rapper who tips us.”

 At  Keg:

“I heard he chopped two of his fingers off, so that he could leave the army… his trigger fingers.”

Weekend Verbatim

In Uncategorized on December 22, 2009 at 1:14 am

out of context verbal highlights from the weekend past-

At Bisou Bridal:

“It’s sexy in the front but theres still drama in the back.”

At dim sum:

“She’s like an egg tart- sweet on the inside, crusty on the outside.”

At a friend’s house:


Tutu Dreams

In Uncategorized on December 18, 2009 at 2:33 pm

If you ever had dreams to spin in organza and twinkle toes on point, then I recommend that you check out The Nutcracker presented by Goh Ballet  running until December 20th at The Centre of Performing Arts. I caught the show a couple nights ago and it was a bittersweet experience for me. When I was 8 or 9, I urged my mom to enroll me in ballet class. She was hesitant at first being intutive of her daughter’s lack of grace but then she heard somewhere that ballet dancers have good posture so she was sold. For a little over 5 years I trained at Goh Ballet Academy where it taught me more than to stretch, bend, leap, twirl and curtsey in French. It showed me how unglamourous ballet is and what it meant to be graceful beyond your movements; it is about being graceful in how you face struggles against physical pain and emotional beat down- until one day I had to make the decision whether to become professional or not. My current inability to touch my toes should indicate which direction I went. Seeing the Nutcracker reminded me of the skills and dedication required of a ballerina and it made me appreciate this classical expression all over again. From where I was sitting during the show, I was able to see into the wings of the stage where dancers took their big nerve-calming breath before debuting on stage and I couldn’t help but reminisce  about my forgotten days as a ballerina and the tutu dreams I left behind.


 *Seated Dancer Adjusting her Shoes by Degas

Songs of 2009

In Uncategorized on December 16, 2009 at 2:07 pm

You know when you hear a song and you associate it with a year? Like when I hear Mariah’s Always be my Baby, I’m instantly back in my elementary school gym for my grade seven prom and I can still feel the heat in my cheeks from blushing hardcore because the cool kid said my new haircut was pretty. Yaaaa, poor example since I can’t be sure whether I remember that moment because of the song or because it’s the first time a boy used words instead of shoving to compliment me. Either way, my intention now is to document the songs of 2009 that would conjure memory of those significant moments. I asked ten fellas and ten dames to submit their song with the only criteria being that the song had to be released this year. Here is the compilation:

Already Home > Jay Z ft. Kid Cudi
Beautiful > Eminem
Best I Ever Had > Drake
Cold Desert > Kings of Leon  
Diva > Beyonce
Empire State of Mind > Jay Z ft. Alicia Keys
I Gotta Feeling > Black Eyed Peas
Knock You Down > Keri Hilson ft. Neyo and Kanye  
Little Bit > Drake ft. Lykke Li
Love Story > Taylor Swift
Sex on Fire > Kings of Leon
Sex Therapy > Robin Thicke
Sing to You > J Holiday
Soldiers of Love > Sade
The Light > Miss Monday
Venus VS. Mars > Jay Z  
Yalla Habibi > Karl Wolf
Young Forever > Jay Z ft. Mr. Hudson

*There are only 17 songs listed as 3 people selected Sex on Fire by Kings of Leon.

How to Poach Eggs

In Uncategorized on December 16, 2009 at 12:25 am

A friend said that after watching Julie and Julia the movie that I’d want to jump into the kitchen and take a stab at making beef bourguignon. She was wrong, I have no inclination to cook what I can neither pronounce nor spell. But the movie did provoke a strong desire in me to try poaching eggs for the first time. I wouldn’t attempt it if you haven’t mastered the scramble yet, but if you have, you are about to graduate into the total domination of eggs. So try it, perfect it, and you’ll only be hollandaise away to egg bennys in bed. Sexy.

Poached Eggs

  1. Fill a pan with enough water to submerge the egg(s)
  2. Crack each egg into a small bowl (keep each egg separated)
  3. Bring the water to boil then turn heat down to let water simmer
  4. Stir water slowly to create a soft current
  5. Slip egg carefully into gently simmering water by lowering the lip of each egg bowl ½ inch below the surface of the water
  6. Let the egg flow out
  7. With a spoon, gently nudge the egg whites closer to their yolk
  8. Immediately cover pan with a lid and turn off heat
  9. Don’t disturb the egg once you have put it in the water
  10. Cook 3-5 minutes depending of the firmness of yolk desired

Thank You

In Uncategorized on December 14, 2009 at 2:36 pm

While sleeping last night, I had my 1000th hit! I wish there was someway to find out who is responsible for tipping me over a grand so I can give them a prize* and a high five. Thank you to everyone reading and for the generous feedback. Your support is incredibly motivating. I know numbers are by no means a credible measure of a good blog but it does tell me that people beyond those I have threatened (ie. B to the FFs) are reading (repeatedly?) and that’s pretty awesome for someone considered a fool who dropped out of high school. Okay I didn’t drop out but the irrelevant Biggie reference is to make sure you know I’m too legit to quit.


 *prize comes in the form a free subscription to my blog, please inquire within for details.